I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He has the fingertips of a God
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