What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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