i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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