this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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