You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
