Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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