Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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