So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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