i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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