"it" just moved
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
