I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
