There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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