I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesnโt post a pic of himself to tinder
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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