Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
