The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize