We need to rekindle our bromance
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
