All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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