Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
