She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
