I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
