The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
