Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
