I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
