Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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