Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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