So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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