all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
