We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
