there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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