Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
