I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize