I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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