the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
