yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
