i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
