I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
