i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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