i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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