You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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