there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
