Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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