so explain again why im purple
no
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
