Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
