What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
