I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
