i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
