i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
