honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
