thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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