do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize