I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize