her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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