if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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