forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
