I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
