im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
