smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
