Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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