someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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