Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
