i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
