What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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