either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
did i walk over a car last night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
