How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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