I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
