Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
