I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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