is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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