1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
